Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
