Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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