YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
