my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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