We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
