He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's blow job season.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
