So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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