ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
