I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
