Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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