im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
