cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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