I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
