shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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