is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize