i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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