Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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