Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
