I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
