I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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