I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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