You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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