There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
