Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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