Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
