i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
