somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
