i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My ATM looks so different sober.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
