i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
