I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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