He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
