i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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