her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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