first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
