Non-Jews are for practice
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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