I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
