we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize