Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
