What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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