"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
