Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
