I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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