I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
