I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
