Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
