It's Friday. Sex?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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