im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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