Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
