u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
