Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
