He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They took my balls.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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