Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
