toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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