What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
