I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
