god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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