Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
