omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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