I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everything about him screamed your future.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
