I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
