So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize