I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you bring me the toilet please
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
