nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
