I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
