He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
