My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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