My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
