how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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