We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he thought i was a dude.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
