My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
