remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
