Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
