the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
