After last night, I could never be a politician.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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