doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
