So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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